Over the past five years, since I graduated college, stopped singing, and got sucked into the corporate wine world, I feel like I haven’t really been living. Truly. It’s as though I’ve been functioning like a robot. Going through the motions of life. I left working for the Wine Gallery to work for Whole Foods as a specialty buyer in hopes it would spark something within me. I moved to Maine over a year ago to help open the new Whole Foods here in Portland with hopes of the same. Nothing. I left Whole Foods in January to go back to school for nursing, to leave the corporate wine world that was sucking me in deeper and deeper as the years go by, and I feel something again. It’s not quite the same fire I felt when I was performing on a regular basis, but it’s something. I desperately need that artistic outlet again. Not being on stage, not singing, is literally killing me. I feel as though I am wasting away and alienating myself because I am so angry inside. I’m angry that I let this all happen. I have this intense need inside to control my surroundings because so much I feel is out of my hands. Much of my motivation to eat better and live cleanly (aside from wine! I’m Italian it’s a given!) is my Mother. She developed Multiple Sclerosis when I was in 2nd grade. She went from a cane to a walker, to a wheelchair, to being completely bed-ridden. She was an incredibly beautiful and tall!, worldly woman, that was immensely well-read,intelligent, adventurous, and active. Full of pride, and independence, the disease took so much of that, but thankfully saved her wits. Now, bed-ridden for a few years, not being able to lift a finger, feed herself, or bath in the warm sun amidst a beautiful garden filled with yellow roses, she herself, like me, is filled with anger. She has no control, but I do, or at least think I do.

Multiple Sclerosis is absolutely a product of 20th century industrialization, artificial stimulus (like fluorescent lights, radio waves, microwaves, and the like), pollution, artificial colorings and preservatives. It is not genetic so there is no MS gene, BUT, certain families have more of a tendency to develop it than others. Multiple Sclerosis is a disease where the bodies immune system attacks itself. The Myelin Sheath which covers the axons of neurons is destroyed (axons are an extension of nerves that deliver nerve impulses and the myelin sheath is a fatty covering that assists in delivering the message without it nerve impulses cannot pass) This creates plaques on the brain and spinal cord which can effect movement, speech, sight, amongst other debilitating symptoms. The earliest onset is 3 years of age and the oldest is 64, I believe. Women have more of susestability, esspecialy Caucasian women, and women whose Mothers or other relatives have MS. I won’t go into detail, but I through my childhood I watch this disease literally kill her. What would my life, my sisters life, and HER life had been like if she never got MS. Thank God for my Grandparents. (I’m totally agnostic but definitely spiritual so “God’ is this all encompassing energy we all experience together… in short) My Mother’s parents are just turning 70 this year (they had my Mum really young) and have the most AMAZING love story and are STILL incredibly in love. A post for another day.

I guess I’m writing about this now because I’ve been thinking a lot about why I do what I do. It is important for me to eliminate the crap in my life because all this artificial, man-made shit is why our society is so sick, on so many levels. But maybe I’ve let it get the best of me, to where I’m eating bowls of green mush when I really just want a bagel! To when I have wasted away to under 100 lbs and stopped singing. I feel like I’m crying out to something. Maybe it’s the art I’ve lost in my life. I’ve never been more happy than when I was singing. Anyway, that picture is of my gorgeous Mother whose pride and sensitivity I’ve inherited. I FEEL the most when I think of her, and when I’m singing. She taught me more than I think she knows.

.25 lB Local 100% Grass fed beef from Cold Spring Ranch: $1.75

1 ear local corn: $0.50

Sauteed local greens, green beens and garlic: $1.75

Whole Wheat English Muffin: $0.75

Raw Emmental Cheese: $0.84

Condiments: Organic ketchup and mustard, olive oil, tamari, salt and peper: On Hand

Grand Total: $5.09

Yep, and it was all purchased at ’Whole Paycheck‘  Whole Foods! For a single gal like myself, eating an amazingly delicious, sustainable, and nurturing dinner this cheaply, and from Whole Foods where people stear clear of for fear of spending a million dollars on one meal alone, is ENTIRELY possible. I think a little over 5 bucks for this kind of dinner is seriously a steal. The ingredients were all from Whole Foods, the cheese was made from raw milk, the beef was local and 100% grass-fed which means it has more omega 3’s than salmon! The corn was local and non-gmo. I had a glass of Vinho Verde where the bottle only cost $7.99. It’s an inherently inexpensive type of wine and totally underrated! Vinho Verde is young, crisp, slightly effervessent and low in alcohol! Unfortunately that makes it dangerously easy to drink! Almost like soda! After dinner I had part of a spelt chocolate chip cookie from the North Star Cafe. Delicious… as all there cookies always are.

Now I DO have to admit this dinner seems a bit righteous. But the fact is that all those ingredients were SO easy to get. I would rather do something like that than drive out of my way to some crap drive-through and get a heart-attack worthy take out meal for the same price. Healthy, cheap, and EASY food is right around the corner for us here in Portland. You just have to want it.